


Gonna Give All My Secrets Away

by louissmyles



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Coming Out, I mean technically speaking it is drawn from something that could happen canonically but..., I'm bad at tags I formally give up, It's not canonical in the fact that Louis and Harry are broken up, M/M, Miscommunication, Not Canon Compliant, Sorry I forgot one, That'll never be canon y'all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-17
Updated: 2015-10-17
Packaged: 2018-04-26 18:27:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5015422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/louissmyles/pseuds/louissmyles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis and Harry don't have to be together for Louis to be able to make Harry feel like he needs to be brave. So he calls a press conference to come out and Louis stands side stage even though they haven't spoken in months.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gonna Give All My Secrets Away

**Author's Note:**

> I'm terrible at summaries, I am so sorry. Basically, this is very short and small and just a tiny idea I had that I needed to write down. Because there is no such thing as a scenario where Louis and Harry don't end up together.

Harry inhales deeply through his nose. He can do this. He can say it.  

This was it. He knows this is it. He isn't sure how it got to this place, but he needs to do this. 

"Throughout the years I was told, explicitly, several times that we were not allowed to touch one another. That we were not allowed to sit together. I was once even told not to make eye contact with him." 

He stops himself and looks out into the crowd. The faces of the media in the front row become all Harry can see. If he looks to his left, even spares a small glance in that direction, he'll probably break. But he can't do that, he's rehearsed this so many times and he will say it now. No matter what. 

He opens his mouth again to speak but his breath hitches instead. He hears; "Alright, do we have any questions, then?" from beside him and he knows that voice. He knows he's being saved. He still can't look up. 

"What does it all mean, Harry?" He's addressed directly and it feels like he's underwater. 

"Wha-?" He blinks. Once. Twice. Three times. 

"You and Louis Tomlinson. You were...?" The man trails off. And oh. How does Harry answer that then. _Soulmates_ would probably not go over well. 

Involved? In love? Fuck. Harry can't deal with this. It was supposed to just be about him. It was supposed to be _Harry Styles Comes Out_! Not this. Not a chance to humiliate Louis in public. He feels his fingers shake. He doesn't know what to do. 

"Are you asking if we were together?" He hears himself say, "Because we were. In every sense of the word.” He tries to clear past the lump in his throat, “Together." 

And there it is. After all these years. Harry isn't quite sure if he's breathing. He looks to his left and sees Louis standing there with his mouth open. He mouths: _"I'm so sorry,"_ before fleeing the stage. A small apology on his lips that he throws to the media, but they all know who it's really meant for. 

_I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I wasn't strong. I wasn't brave. I'm so sorry._

He feels fingers catch his wrist as he pushes through the swarm of people between him and the exit. He doesn't stop. But he knows who tried to catch him. He honestly can't look at Louis right now. Not with how he knows Louis will look back at him. All remorseful eyes filled with the wrong kind of love. 

_We're better off, H._  

Harry doesn't stop running until he's reached the toilets. He looks up at his own reflection and doesn't recognize it. He swears he can still see a ghost of a mark on his neck from months ago. He knows it's impossible. It's been too long for even the last time to still be imprinted on his skin. 

_Better off._  

He hears the door open and doesn't have to look up to know who it is. The lock clicks into place. 

"Haz..." He hears him say, but it's foggy like he's on the other side of the world or encased in glass. Harry still doesn't look up. 

"Please don't, Lou." 

"Don't what?" 

Harry's hands grip the porcelain of the sink. "Christ. I am so, _so_ sorry." 

He feels Louis' hands reach for him more than he sees them. But before he can catch his breath, they've fallen back to Louis' side. "I can't believe you did that, H. Really, I can't." 

Harry breathes through his nose, safer that way, less likely to hear the way his throat has closed up entirely. 

"Lou--"

"Now, come on then, Harold. Let a man speak." He feels Louis brush the backs of his fingers against the thin skin of his bare wrist before running his fingers to the outside, tracing the anchor there. Harry takes a shaky breath but nods for Louis to continue. 

"I think we've been having..." Louis pauses, breathes in, continues, "something of a misunderstanding for a while." 

Harry can't do this. He really can't. 

"I know how you feel, Lou. I'm so sorry. I was just so done with all of their bullshit, I couldn't stand it anymore... I--" Louis holds up a hand and the rest of Harry's words die in his throat. 

"You know how I feel?" There's a smirk tugging the corners of his mouth and if Harry were a stronger man he wouldn't admit how distractingly, blindingly beautiful a sight it is. 

"I know that you weren't sure, and that when we were... What we were, it wasn't," Harry clears his throat, prepares himself for the next word; "right." 

Louis' eyebrows shoot up at that. "Harry. Never in my life have I ever felt that you and I weren't right," He whispers fiercely, fingers immediately going back to press against the back of Harry's wrist. And Harry is... He is just so confused. 

"Then why--" Harry stops. Finally, _finally_ looks up at him. At Louis, _his_ Louis, and he sees it. "You look tired," he says, because what else can he say?

Louis smiles tightly. "I am tired, love." 

Harry sees it. He bloody sees it for the first time in so long. The first time since... 

He can't look away. 

"Louis... What I just said... What I just-- _did_..." Louis' smile widens a bit, he steps in closer. 

"I had an interview scheduled to talk about you coming out next weekend." He smiles wryly. 

"But how did you know I would--" 

Louis has relinquished Harry's hold on the sink and is cradling his hand between both of his own now, staring down fondly at the ink there. "I figured all I had to do to get you back, was to come clean to the world. So I sent a tweet, turned off my phone and waited it out." Louis' the one who won't look up now, won't meet Harry's eyes. 

"Get me back?" Harry breathes. 

"I didn't want to hide you anymore. If we were going to fix this... We were going to fix it proper. So. I made the first move and all that." Harry can see Louis is shaking the tiniest bit. Trembling as he traces Harry's hands with his fingers, over and over and over. 

"But that night... The wedding... You... You said we were better off apart." Harry blurts out. He won't let himself believe this. Not yet. 

Louis takes a deep breath. Harry deserves this explanation. They both know that. It's been so long. "The night we... Ended it," Louis' voice breaks and Harry turns his hands over to grasp Louis' tightly. "You... You said we couldn't _truly_ be together if I was still afraid of the world knowing, so... So why would I take you back when I still hadn't met your terms?" Louis stares hard at their hands. "You deserved more from me. Always have." 

"You loved me. That's all I ever wanted." Harry reaches up to cover Louis' face with his hands. It's been too long. He's done talking to the top of Louis' head. He's done not seeing his face. He's right here in front of him and he will take this moment for all it's worth, won't let anything about it slip past him. 

Louis meets his eyes. "Love," he murmurs. 

"Yes?" Harry says, eyes searching. 

Louis shakes his head. "No, I mean. Yes. But, no." Louis makes a face before continuing, "you said loved. I was correcting you." 

"Correcting me? I don't--" Harry stops. Because he does, he does understand. 

_You loved me._  

_You love me._

"You love me?" Harry is nearly positive he has stopped breathing now. 

"Of course I do, you twat. I always have. The whole bloody world can tell and yet here we are. Having to act like it's news or something for the press." Louis reaches up and covers the hands Harry has on his cheeks with his own. Soft, warm, Louis. 

"Lou... Oh god Lou..." 

"I think we've been through quite enough now, haven't we? And it's time you kissed me proper like I know we both have wanted for a bloody long time." Louis is grinning. He's grinning and it's the right grin. Not the tight, forced one he's grown so used to seeing these days. Or the quiet, happy ones he's only been able to see directed at anyone other than himself. It's _his_ grin. The one Louis saves just for him. For them. 

"Please," Harry says before using his hold on Louis' face to pull him into a bruising kiss. "Please, please, Lou," he hears himself whispering against Louis' open mouth, over and over and over again. Their lips slide together until Louis quiets Harry completely, pulling him in closer, never intending on letting him go again. 

Until it's Louis who can't stop talking, "So bloody brave, Harry. So fucking proud of you. Love you so much," words mixing in with the air between their mouths, hot and desperate and secret. 

But not secret like before. No. This is a different kind of secret. This is because the only people in the whole world right now are Harry and Louis. 

Because even though Harry just told the world that not only does he like men, but he really actually only wants one of them. This one. And even though Louis, not three days prior, had tweeted a simple, direct, oh so very Louis Tomlinson-esque: _"About time I told you lot I'm gay then. Happy Halloween !! Xx"_ and Harry couldn't breathe for a full 24 hour period. Because even though everyone will know now and everyone will talk and everything will change... 

They will always have this secret. The kind that hides in the breath between their lips when they kiss. Or the kind that lights up in Harry's eyes when Louis presses his fingers against the ink on Harry's wrist. Or the kind that hides in Louis' smile when Harry's just woken up and his hair is standing in thirty-seven different directions. 

Yeah. Some secrets are okay to keep. As long as they can keep them together. 


End file.
